cause = time

The first sentence is always the most awkward. This isn't an exception.

The thing is, as ridiculous as the notion may seem, I think I need this sort of thing to stay sane this summer. Written journals are too much hassle, too pretentious; you go through all the motions, you get out a pen and write all your "deep thoughts" and whatnot into an ordinary college-ruled book you've deemed special for your own purposes, and you hide it, as though someone would actually care to read it if they came across it.

Fact is, in this day and age, journals are so passe; so you have something to say. So you've got hidden thoughts and emotions, or maybe you've got some feeling of desperation that you can't let out anywhere else. So what? Everyone has that. And by now, most people have learnt to keep it all inside, and overtures of emotion are looked down upon. The person who comes across your journal is immediately going to put it down and go watch some ESPN. How does that make you feel? Maybe you should go write about it in your journal.

Yeah, I'm just as pathetic as you written-journal kids. The difference between you and me is, I'm too lazy to write--typing is so much faster.

So back to the point--I need this for the summer. Beyond that? We'll see when we get to it.

I just finished my first year of college. I gained: experience, a solid sense of self-confidence that gives me the ability to do anything I want to do, a better knowledge of the way people work, the best friends a girl could EVER ask for, and a general sense of happiness.

I lost: my best friend in the entire world, a semi-decent portion of my optimism for the endurance of romance, a few people [namely boys] who could have been real somethings, and a lot of respect for a lot of people.

Now I'm back home, in a place where I feel like I have no ties, trying to keep everything I gained in my first year of true independence from running away from me just because I'm back under my parents' roof.

I'm ecstatic, crushed, bold and terrified, and just trying to figure things out. I have stories to tell, questions to ask, dreams and plans and the overwhelming sense of something crashing down, the uplifting feeling of soaring through this thing called life, and I'm so happy that I get to share it all with you.