sorry about the dark

tonight we watched old home videos of ourselves, 6, 7, 8 years ago. our faces were a little rounder, a little smaller. some of us had glasses; our hair wasn't shiny with product, our skin had not yet encountered the make-up we prize today to make our eyes look a little bigger, our lips a little plumper. there was only softness in our beings, as we had not yet experienced all those things that have since given us our hard edges. there were no secrets; there was only the promise of more summer days spent playing video games and making waterslides in the backyard.

we had no idea what our futures held for us. we didn't know back then, couldn't know, that in seven years we would all be living in different places. we didn't know how much we liked boys, how some of us would end up liking girls too, how people who easily gave us the greatest joy we've ever known could just as easily break our hearts, as though they were made of the flimsiest of materials.

we didn't know, back in those sunlit days, that tonight was to be our last night together. the four of us, four girls who grew up and experienced everything life had to offer together, finally having to say goodbye. this is the breaking point, the separation between the present and "the good old days". i always wondered when that phrase was going to start showing up in my life, and i've found the answer. of course, that's not to say that the future isn't going to be good--there are many exciting opportunities in store for each one of us. but never again are we going to experience the same innocent, bright-eyed happiness in the simplicity of each other's company.

we've been lucky, my loves. we've been the best family any of us could have hoped for in these ten years. and someday, when we've all grown past the complications of the last few years, when we've left behind these people who have dared to try and get between us...we'll come together again. someday we will sit together on the floor of someone's room, laughing about the silliest things that only we can understand. and when that day comes, no matter how many years have gone by, how many changes we've undergone, the happiness and contentment that we've been so lucky to feel in our youth will shine through us again, casting everything and everyone else into the shadows. someday, we will be whole again.